Transcending Prejudice

Gays can be bigots, too

by j. brotherlove

Recently, I received a party invitation from a guy I almost dated (attractive kat, but too fond of weed and booty for it to go anywhere). He told me he was instructing his gay friends not to bring any “feminine” guys to his event. “Word?” I asked (I’m hip like that). He reasoned that some of his friends were gay but some weren’t. He didn’t want a “situation” to occur if a gay guest hit on a straight guest. “You know how touchy-feely some of them can be…” he explained. Sensing my reservation on the phone he added. “I’m not worried about you, though. I’ve been around you and know that you’re cool people.”

Hurray for me.

Few were shocked to hear intolerant statements from Iran regarding men with an “effeminate look”. But the gay community holds as many prejudices as everyone else. I’ve written about the recent unrest around racial equality in Atlanta. However, there are other issues within our community, namely a prevailing one against the trangender community.

I know quite a few (seemingly) intelligent and well-adjusted gay associates who hold prejudices against effeminate groups within the gay community. The root of these prejudices stem from self-hatred and misogyny. I won’t pretend to be an expert on the lives transgenders lead. In fact, for the earlier part of my life, I was somewhat confused and tentative about them.

Like most, I held “show girl” and “prostitute” stereotypes too close to consider transgenders as real people. But, when you know better, you do better. I’ve committed myself to “know better” these past couple of years by watching films, reading articles and speaking to transgender folk. It really has helped me; after all, I have the privilege of being unaware of my male privilege.

I just wish more people were dedicated to dissolving their own prejudices to see that everyone has the same intrinsic desires. More specifically, I’d like people to see how hypocritical it is to ask for support for our personal struggles when we are reluctant to acknowledge our role in excluding others. It takes a personal commitment to understand that those who are different from you are not natural enemies. And by helping others, we help ourselves.

For every RuPaul and Alexis Arquette (who gets props for being listed as an actress on IMDB), there are countless others who don’t benefit from the assistance fame affords. Considering effeminate men, drag queens and transgender were on the forefront of gay rights movement, the fact they ended up on the back of the bus is a travesty. Or, in the legendary words of transgender activist Sylvia Rivera, “I’m tired of sitting on the back of the bumper. It’s not even the back of the bus anymore — it’s the back of the bumper.” Bless her heart.

By the way, despite getting a “masculine pass” from ol’ boy, I declined the invitation to his party. After hearing my reason, he tried to clarify his position. At that point, it didn’t matter to me. Attending an event I knew excluded people for being themselves seemed wrong to me. It still does.

I applaud you for standing up and saying what needed to be said. So many would have just accepted the terms and either attended or taken a passive aggressive stand and said they would attend and not shown up, neither of which address the issue.

We have so much work to do if we can ever get past all the distractions tossed in our path.

Seems that this is a timely subject. Not so much the disdain for feminine men, that’s been around for years, but more people coming to their defense. I was reading a blog on Yahoo 360° the other day where someone met up with an old internet acquaintance at a mall. He went on about how effeminate the guy turned out to be and how embarrassing it was to be seen with the guy (I’m still wondering why he got in the car with him if it was all that).

Many of the blogger’s like-minded (read: small-minded) readers joined in the femme-bashing, but one brother called him out, calling for some tolerance within a community who is still struggling for equality.

My latest work, “From Top to Bottom” also deals with the sexual expectations of those perceived as less masculine [that’s not a shameless plug! We boys, right?!]. Hopefully there will a change in attitudes real soon.

Actually, M-C, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your newest novel. I have a couple of ideas to pitch to you. Can you hook a brotha up?

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