Roadkill Epiphanies

Don’t wait too late to make that move

by j. brotherlove

A moment of silence for the squirrel I killed on Monday.

I was rounding the corner listening to Skye when I saw it dart into the middle of the street. This has happened countless times. Generally, the squirrel darts one way or another to avoid death. On occasion they remain still as my car passes over them. I could see this squirrel think about the options: continue to run across the street or return to the curb. But as it started to run back toward the curb, it changed its mind and…

Vrrummp!

I checked my rearview and sure enough, ol boy was flat as a pancake. Ewwww. I know roadkill isn’t especially noteworthy. In Atlanta, we are constantly in battle with nature as we expand our sprawl (last month I was attacked by a deer in Loverboy’s subdivision). But the sound and feeling of running over that squirrel stayed with me all day. In fact, it has become my metaphor.

Turns out, I’ve spent a lot of my life acting like that squirrel; hesitant to make a move one way or another. That’s my Achilles heel; I love having choices but have a tough time making them. The result doesn’t leave a lot of progress. And the success I do have gets lost in my short-term memory because I’m too focused on what I haven’t done.

I had a good conversation with a colleague yesterday about my experience as a freelance designer. I realized discussions like those force me to analyze what I’m doing and realize my progress for a change. I don’t know how I forgot how important it is to share my life with others.

At the beginning of the year, I started monthly brunch meetings with a couple of friends with newly created businesses. It’s tough being your own boss and these exchanges helped us establish goals and become accountable to each other. My downsizing shifted focus from those meetings. But it’s time I resurrected them.

Those interactions are important because my self-discipline needs work (I’m currently plowing through Steve Pavlina’s self-discipline series). Without refining my self-discipline, I’ll never be more successful than I am now. That’s not acceptable

Besides, I’m getting signs from all over the universe to step up my game. My mobile horoscope has been unusually poignant lately. Today’s forecast:

Be brave. Explore beyond your local world without a map and wander into places you’d never have thought of going.

Travel (literal and figurative) is always a good thing in my book so I can’t argue with that. But I’d also add “Go with your initial gut feeling” and “Look both ways before crossing the street.”

Murderer.

I’m calling PETA.

Ahh.. but I’m a murderer who cares…

Killing squirrels makes the Baby Jesus cry.

I am so tender-hearted that when someone in front of me kills/hurts an animal, I can’t let it go. This woman hit a squirrel in front of me one day, and only broke its back legs, and it hobbled off to, more than likely, die. I can’t get that image out of my head. Poor little thing.