Labeling Queens
I guess “gay” does the jobby j. brotherlove
I’m comfortable being black; really I am. I know its not the preferred term for the politically correct set. I’ll admit when I write something “important” or “official”, or when talking to (perceived) narrow-minded people, I will use the label “African American” to put them in their place. But, at the end of a long day, “black” is just fine by me.
“Gay”, on the other hand comes with a few more issues. Sure, I’ll own it. To avoid a lengthy discussion and for lack of a better/shorter description (I run for the hills from the word “queer”) I guess “gay” does the job. Except, “gay” represents a narrow lifestyle rather than a sexual preference. At least in my book. Queer As Folk is “gay”. Yet, my gay friends have little in common with the “girls” on Showtime’s raunchy soap. There is another choice, now. However, I could wear a red thong in the middle of December easier then I could call myself “Same Gender Loving” with a straight face.
So, I’ve given up on “gay” fight because like I said earlier, it’s not worth the lengthy discussion (and yet, here I go). Even if “gay” did adequately describe sexual preference how adequate of a description would that be? When’s the last time you changed a preference? These terms are so flippant and misleading especially when people (gay & non-gay) take the labels so seriously.
“Gay” is a convenient word. Or, at least, it used to be when I was coming up and out. Some womyn never appreciated the moniker of a (mostly white) gay, male lifestyle. It became socially responsible to say gay and lesbian — or even better — lesbian and gay to acknowledge how men too often regulate women to second place. And while the argument over bisexuality as a true “choice” will never be resolved, it too joined the ranks of the sexual fringe. Eventually, the transgendered community (more of a commitment than a lifestyle or sexual preference) was folded into the throng because somebody has to look out for their interests, as well.
And now that I have finally taught myself to use the clumsy identifier “LesBiGayTran”, some gay activists want to change it again! More damn labels intended to identify and include but, more often, dividing and conquering our diversity. Isn’t it a given that, at some point, most LesBiGayTrans are questioning? There are, of course, lucky souls who “always knew” their true selves and acted upon their instincts. But for most of us, it’s a journey.
Oh well…I’m all for inclusiveness as long as we keep the name as compact as possible. I don’t like using seven syllables to say “black” and if I have to add another damned syllable to LesBiGayTran I’m going to scream!
Man, you ain’t said nuthin’ but a word. I’m not down for being called “queer” either. There is a tone to that word that I am NOT embracing.
The debate of whether to call yourself “gay” - especially for me as a big black lesbian - is complicated. This is true. It’s the convenient term. But, it DOES have this connotation of “white, gay male,” in terms of what it represents.
Oh, whatever, catch me on AIM sometime and we’ll get into the whole sordid thing. :)
Why not just say that you are ‘sexual’….. I hate labels too, but as an ‘emerging activist’ find myself forced to use them, but I’m never comfortable with the whole thing. BTW, did you know that SGL (same gender loving) was crafted by a Black ‘Gay’ man because he too was not fond of embracing the Gay label? Imagine if I have to use THAT in the title of something (LesGayBiTranSGL - xyzlmnop)
There’s no escaping labels, I suppose. And they can be a good thing when they’re not used to restrict behavior and stifle expectations.
I found an interesting post and thread which addressed a portion of this topic.