God Bless The Child
One of the mixed blessings of living at DIC is there is always something going on. [Incidentally, stop by Prime’s spot and wish him a…by j. brotherlove
One of the mixed blessings of living at DIC is there is always something going on. [Incidentally, stop by Prime’s spot and wish him a Happy Birthday] Well, not always; only when I’m in the mood for solitude (which is perpetually). Monday, I awoke from my after-work nap to find an ITLA meeting starting in the living room. Yesterday, I arrived to a houseful of EJ’s family (momma, sister, cousin, nephews, and assorted others). Don’t get me wrong, I believe in ITLA’s mission and I like EJ’s family. But, I don’t like surprises; especially, after work. I have very low energy after work. That’s when my body and mind hibernates. Given that there are four personalities in the house (five, if you count Anna), it’s amazing there isn’t more activity at DIC than there is.
But, that comes with territory when you live with others — whether they’re roommates, family, friends or lovers (I’ve been in each scenario). Growing up, my folks gave me a lot of freedom with how I lived (although, occasionally, Momma and I would disagree about why my bed needed to be made). They still afford me that freedom without much judgement. I have expected the same treatment since I’ve left the nest with less than satisfying results. With my lovers, I often had to argue to get my way (and even then…). At DIC, the climate is much more serene. It’s almost perfect. We hardly ever argue. But, we are sensitive individuals so we sometimes get on one another’s nerves and are prone to passive-aggressive fits. And although there’s no rule book and I know my opinion counts toward many decisions made at the house, DIC is not my house and my opinion gets only a ranking of 3 at best.
Lately, I’ve been thinking/dreaming about getting my own place. Not like, tomorrow or anything (last I checked, it still costs money). But, it’s about time. I am 35 and growing too old to consider others’ opinions about the way I live — or want to. I find myself getting in more conversations with homeowners and feeling a bit ashamed that I’ve never paid more than half of my own rent — ever. However, finding a place that is 1] large enough 2] safe enough that I can afford will be the challenge. My target is first quarter 2003 so there’s still time for me to hit the lottery — that is, if I believed it the lottery system.
This is the latest installment in my new obsession with owning my own shit. Whether it’s feelings, money, opinions or time (especially time), I want mine to be mine and not dictated by anybody else. It’s about control, I think — or selfishness. Neither trait is all that appealing to me. I think it’s time I added “Find a therapist” to my 90-Day Plan.
I’m with you. I’ve been through the same things, and still go through very minor ones from time to time.
As Victoria Wilson-James would say, “Perserverence works.”
as i commented to prime not too long ago, my theory is that the world is so screwed up that we all could use some therapy. i think it all depends on finding the right therapist for you (and one who actually makes you work on stuff)…but i’m a big advocate. go for it.
passive-aggressive fits?? i am so guilty, especially concerning tidiness issues…i really need to work on that. *chucklin’* yes, living alone definitely has its benefits. if i weren’t living with my lover, i would have to live alone…i don’t think anyone else would put up with me. ;^)