Big Toe Smarts

I am clumsy; always have been. I trip over infinitesimal debris, invisible obstacles and fall up stairs with astonishing regularity. You can set your Tivo…

by j. brotherlove

I am clumsy; always have been. I trip over infinitesimal debris, invisible obstacles and fall up stairs with astonishing regularity. You can set your Tivo by it. However, last night I fucked up my big toe so badly… I crossed a new threshold in pain.

I was at Loverboy’s townhouse (or, my “midtown summer home” according to Wood) putting the finishing touches on a 3-and-a-half hour assembly project when I walked toward the kitchen to get something to drink.

Somehow, my left big toe stubbed against the wood slat holding down the carpet edge. I hit it with such a force, the damn thing is now loose. Instictively, I grabbed my foot and winced and whimpered all around the kitchen and back into the dining room and then the living room and back into the kitchen. The initial sting that typically subsides within 15-20 seconds lasted for like 90 seconds. Maybe more. I thought I tore off my toe.

I should be embarrassed to tell you that, while I was stumbling around in pain, I managed to stub my other big toe as well. Ridiculous. Later investigation showed no blood, no bruise, and a little bit of swelling. I attribute that to the two pairs of socks I was wearing at the time. Loverboy slept through it all of my toe drama.

So today I’m walking around like Frankenstein’s monster because both of the big toes have some stinging sensation. Today, I’ll be taking lunch at my desk thankyouverymuch. Are there classes on how to be less clumsy?

If there are classes on how to be less clumsy and you find them, let me know so that I can take them. It’s common knowledge in our house that if you hear a thud, it’s Anitra running into a wall, banging into the bookshelf, hitting her elbow on some piece of furniture, tripping over something.

Oh well, I chalk it up to being part of my charm. :)

My feet tend to have magnetic attractions to a lot of shit too. What is it about Pisceans and feet? I stub my toes somethin’ serious at least twice a week.

It’s a widely held astrological belief that Pisces rule the feet and the feet are the weakest part of a Pisces’ body. Joy.

I guess this means no cute shoes for you this weekend. Hope your toesies feel better boo!

Nah bruh, not me…I guard my feet—and rarely let anyone near them. If indeed we [pisceans] rule the feet I wanna make sure my kingdom is well protected. Ya dig?

There must be something to that Pisces thing, because I am always stubbing my toe too! But at least I have pretty feetses ;)

At least you had 2 pairs of socks on…

You poor thing.

Having witnessed some of your high lights, I can only imagine how this one came about. To this day, I marvel at your unique ability to fall UP stairs.

Oddly enough, Anna, who is ALSO a Pisces can be a bit clumsy too, and her poor paws are alway the victim of someone’s foot.

I trip over infinitesimal debris, invisible obstacles and fall up stairs with astonishing regularity.

It’s the underwater projectile that throws off your equilibrium.

Elle!
*dead*
You’re a bad, bad girl. No use denying the truth, though - hehe.
*struts, then trips*

I am well known for falling up the stairs. This, for me, is less about being clumsy and more about being short.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am unable to walk at a somewhat normal pace, I’m always walking quickly, so I do the same in climbing stairs.

This causes me to not pay attention to making sure my short leg lifts high enough to get my foot ON the next step and usually results in my foot hitting the front of the step and falling. Such fun.

et tu brute, et tu?

my shins are a constant multi-color spread of skin marred with nics and cuts.

and i actually own crutches for the next time i twist my ankle(s).

lovely.

Am I scratching my head because you’ve basically blogged about stubbing your toe(s) or is it because 9 other people left pretty substantial comments about you stubbing said toe(s)?

*scratch!*

Kathleen, that upstairs things is so me! I consider myself short at 5’ 5.5”, but realistically I’m probably not—I still walk too fast for friends to keep up and don’t lift my feet enough to make it up stairs. I figured that surely I wasn’t the only one, but I hadn’t heard of anyone else doing it…

Lissa…I’m 5’1 so imagine trying to get up all the made-for-grown-folks stairs. It’s horrible lol. One day I swear I’m gonna end up knocking my front teeth out. Glad to see I share this problem with someone though, yay!

OUCH! as though i’m not in enough pain from this root canaled tooth!!!!!!!!!!

brotherlove,…..i hope it feels better.

Donald wrote: Am I scratching my head because you’ve basically blogged about stubbing your toe(s) or is it because 9 other people left pretty substantial comments about you stubbing said toe(s)?

ROTFLMAO!

*comtemplates whether or not to take the bait*

I think the most painful injury I’ve ever had was when I dropped something very heavy on my big toe. I won’t go into the gory details but I’ll just say I understand the pain a hurt big toe can cause.

i can trip on the pattern in flat carpet. i am constantly running into things maybe it’s the attention defecit thing my mind always wandering.

i’m thinking of getting steeltoe boots, & wearing them everywhere but to bed. except on special occasions, of course.

Lizard—be careful with steeltoes. I was wearing a pair a couple of years ago when I kicked someone in the shin, and managed to break a toe with the force of my foot sliding up in the shoe; the boots weren’t even particularly large on my feet. (The other person was barely even injured, so it wasn’t a very hard or successful kick.) Probably an odd phenomenon, but it makes me cautious in committing violent acts with my feet now, or relying on shoes to protect me.

This is classic Jack Tripper. Ok, Brotherwub, I’ll be the first to admit that I cracked up BEFORE I read the part where you said you were wearing 2 pairs of socks. Nevertheless, I’m happy it wasn’t serious (I’ve heard about bent-back toenails and the like) and I think it’s very endearing of you to post about this, despite what Donald said (lol!!). You poor thing.

WEll, i am also a pisces, and i think i broke my toe last night—stubbed it on one of those office chairs with a heavy metal pedestal…today my fourth toe on my right foot is turning purple, is swollen and sore. I also did that profane, pain-dance around the house. There really must be something to this Pisces-Foot thing. Is there any research on the matter? :>
Raven