Joke?

Somebody tell me a joke. I really need one….

by j. brotherlove

Somebody tell me a joke. I really need one.

SO a guy walks into a bar wearing nothing but boxers…

but you probably don’t want to hear that one ;)

you suck.

Um…I’m trying to think of a good joke but I can’t come up with any right now. Feel better though. I’ll come back with a joke later.

Jason you are so bad.

This panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a dictionary and a glassful of bamboo. The bartender complies. The panda munches the bamboo until it’s done, flips through the dictionary to the “P” section, reaches into his wallet and puts down a $20 bill. Then he backs away from the table, pulls a gun out of his pocket and shoots it in the air. People start running out the door, but the panda just takes his time walking away.

“Wait a minute,” the bartender says. “Come back here! The hell’d you pop a cap in the ceiling for?”

Panda just says “I’m a panda. Like, check the dictionary.” Then he’s gone.

Bartender looks at the dictionary and picks up the dictionary. It says that a panda is a furry marsupial who eats shoots and leaves.

Q: How can you tell when Mariah Carey is acting?

A: She’s wearing clothes.

Ba dum, dum.

Omigod, you guys are killing me. First, Jason; now you, Michelle? I love Mariah Carey. Okay, maybe not love… but, I respect her talents. Acting, admittedly, is not one of those.

Thanks, George.

Remember when we did yo mama jokes via email for like a week????

Yo mama’s glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map, she sees people waving.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone.

Yo mama’s so dumb, she stuck the phone up her ass and thought she was makin’ a booty call.

Okay, that last one… lol

Yo moms is so fat, how fat is she? We jumped up on her back to get some burgers from Wendy’s…

sorry, Pharcyde flashbacks.

Prime, I bow to your Yo Mama skills.

I’m going to talk about Justin Timberlake tomorrow…that’s how much j-e b-x-r has ruined me.

Q: What’s orange and looks good on a Hippie?

A: Fire.

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Don’t ask, I heard it this weekend while stoned. It was excessively funny at the time.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

Nothing. There are some things a pig won’t do.

There was this woman w/ no arms and no legs sitting on the bench crying. A guy walks by, notices her crying and says, “Why are you crying?”

She answers, “All my life no man has hugged me.” He says, “I’ll hug you.” He proceeds to hug her. She replies, “Thank you”. He walks away.

Shortly she begins crying again. A second man walks by and stops after noticing her state. “Why are you crying?” She replies, “All my life no man has kissed me.” He answers, “I’ll kiss you.” With that he kisses her sweetly on the lips and then walks away.

A time period later she begins crying yet again. A third man notices and tops to inquire. “All my life no man has fucked me.” Without hesitation the man picks her up and tosses her into the river near the bench and says, “Now you’re fucked.”

Looks like Jason ain’t the only one with standup aspirations!

These two Joes were wanting to hit the bars but only had a $1.75 between the two of them. One Joe said to the other,” Hey man, I know how we can get full with this chump change”. The other guys goes,” You got to be kidding”. Well the Joe explained that by spending the money on a hotdog they can drink all night long. You see all they had to do is go to the first bar and drink up a night tab, when the bartender asked for full payment, many drinks later one Joe would pop out the hot dog out of his trousers and the other would kiss it. Ensuring both got kicked out of the bar quick. Well after half a dozen bars the Joe that kissed the hotdog all night asked the other Joe to bust out the hotdog so they can eat it. The other Joe blushed and said,”Man I lost that dog after the second bar…;P